I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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