I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
