I wish I could punch you in the face.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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