u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
