Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
