In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
