He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize