ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
