At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCK WHALES
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
