I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
