What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
