I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
