I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
