You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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