So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
