How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
