Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
