As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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