ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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