I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
