Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
