she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
