you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
