he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
