People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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