the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
