Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize