When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
