I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
