The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
