Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
