just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
too bad you live with your parents still
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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