who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
