Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize