she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
