When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize