is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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