I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
