I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
