someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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