yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i will never coherently bang her
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
