dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize