How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
