2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
