I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
