Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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