I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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