P.S. I can't hear my feet
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
