I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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