i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
