guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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