The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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