you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize