that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
