I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
