Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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