a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
