just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
