He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hippo gnu deer
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
