i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
