I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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