There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
