I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
