i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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