you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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