if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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