at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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